Miscellaneous - Naughty Sms

Collection of Naughty Sms

A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!"...

Wots da closest thing to a womans period? ur salary! It cums once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days & if it doesnt cum every1s in trouble!!!!

Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"....

Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever!

Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!!

What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?…. ask your parents.....

What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET ....

Chat Up Lines - Naughty Sms

Collection of Naughty Sms

do u believe in love at first site or do i have to walk by again.....

if i said u had a hot body would u hold it against me....

im really good at algerbra but am having trouble getting your digit...

can i have pic of u coz i wana show santa wot i wnt 4 xmas!

My magical watch says you aren't wearing any underwear!
Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast.

"r ur legs tired"? coz uve been runnin through my mined all day

There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another??????

if i cood re arrange da alphabet i wood put u and i together..

ive lost my teddy bear.......do u want to sleep with me tonight????

is youre father a robber ? well who stole the stars and put them in ure eyes ?

U gotta B a parking ticket or something coz u got the word FINE written All over ya!

you must be a good theif cuz you've stole my heart...

im no fred flintstone but i'll make ur bedrock...

HERE'S 10p GO AND PHONE YER MAM AND TELL HER YOU WOAN'T BECOMING HOME TONITE!!!!!

Story - Naughty Sms

Collection of Naughty Sms

A woman standin nude,looks in the bedroom mirror n says 2 her husband, "i look horrible, fat & ugly.pay me a compliment", her husband den replies "ur eyesight's spot on!"......

A boy n girl r dancin @ a Disco. dey kiss n stop instantly.d girl says 2 d boy “r u a mechanic?” d boy says“no y” d girl says“well get ya hands frm under my mini”...

chicken and egg in bed,chicken has head on pillow smoking.Egg rolls over annoyed saying"i guess we answered that question"...

A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes to heaven first?"A child replies"feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!

Little Girl:"Mommy I just found out that the little boy next door has a penis like a peanut" Mommy:"u mean its small?"Little Girl:"No its salty"...

an essex girl has a car crash and an ambulance arrives.the paramedic asks 'how many fingers have i got up?'the girl replies- oh no i think im paralised too...

Jelly Baby goes 2 the Dr & says "Dr i've got aids" Dr replys "U cant have aids ur a jelly Baby" Jelly Baby says "yes but Dr i've been sleepin wiv ALLSORTS!

A man go for blood test.nurse took his finger blood sample but cant find cotton.So she sucks his finger! He is so happy n he asks:"Can i get a urine test also?"

Misleading - Naughty Sms

Collection of Naughty Sms

I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty,I wish ur pyjamas were close to me nighty.Dont be mistaken.now dont be mislead I mean on the clothesline and not in my bed

Wen i look at the sun i c u!wen i look at the moon i c u!wen i look at the sea I c u... well get out of my way!

He came 2 me 1 nite... explored my body... licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill... wen satisfied he left... I was hurt... DAMN MOSQUITO....

In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry...

Someday u may lose ur hair.u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.coz u cant lose wot u don't have!

I had a wet dream about you last night .... I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff!

I was nervous at first, it was big & long &went straight up, Ihad to try it... i eased myself onto it & i liked it! i went up & down on it, i love escalators now

From the moment I saw u, I wanted to be inside u, I love ur smell, the way ur tongue feels, the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm…………..NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!

It goes in dry it comes out wet.the longer its in the stronger it gets.we can have it in bed just you and me...its not what you think its a cup of tea!

Last nite i wantd u.needed u so badly dat it hurt.wantd 2 taste u.i wantd u in me so u could work ur magic on me...but i couldnt find u.u stupid.. PARACETAMOL!

At 1st a little nibble- a slow & temptin lick.i suck & munch my liquid lunch & den i swallow quick! CADBURYS CREAM EGG HOW DO U EAT URS????

Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah ..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..stil hurtin..ahh yeh ..den lets try d other shoe madam...

Last nite i coodnt sleep.i wantd u warm against my skin.i wantd u on me.i wantd 2 feel u all over my body.. but i coodnt find u!Where did i put my PYJAMAS????

I luv the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creatin a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrust in & out up& down, can't wait til nxt time I LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH...

come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until ur totally satisfied lovingly urs TOILET!!!!

Nursery Rhymes - Naughty Sms

Collection of Naughty Sms

Mary had a little lamb & tied it to a pylon a 1000 volts shot up its ass & turned it into nylon...

Mirror Mirror on the wall.Whos the fairest of them all?The mirror laughed & den it spat- It sure aint u.u ungly prat!

Mary Mary quite contrairy how does your garden grow? Listen you prat i live in a flat so how the damn do i know.

Jack & Jill went up da hill 2 have a little fun.But stupid Jill forgot da pill and now they have a son.

Flirt - Naughty Sms

Collection of Naughty Sms

I'm like a rubrix cube. The more you play with me, the harder I get....

I want triplets You want twins.Lets get in bed and see who wins!

Of all the babes ur my selection.please dont giv me a rejection.my teeth are clean for ur Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection!

I think i should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!!!!!

I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead....

baby i have an addiction problem.people say i shud go to rehab but i
always tell the m i dont wanna go cause im addicted to ... YOU...

Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation.a boy puts his location in a girls destination.do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?

I like your style- I like your class- but most of all i like your arse!

Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!

If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays?

north 2 north south 2south my best direction is mouth 2mouth..

Humour - Naughty Sms

Collection of Naughty Sms

8 qualities of a PERFECT boyfriend... Brave,Intelligent, Gentle,Polite, Energetic, Non-alcoholic, Industrious, Self-organised. In short, B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.

He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx...

T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network....

I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!