Funny Phrases | Phrases

Funny Phrases Collection

He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.

He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.

He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.

Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter's Lodge.

As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat

It's colder than a penguin's bollocks

She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging

You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier

She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard

As rare as a Blonde virgin

I've seen more hair on a billiard ball

He's as camp as a row of tents

I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box

They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick up

As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium

You could park a bike on that bum

He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank

He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure

Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers

About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.

As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition

She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head

She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner

About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.

He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers

She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!

He's tighter than a photo finish.

Funny Phrases | Old Funny Phrases

Old Funny Phrases

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Funny Laws 1

Collection of Funny Laws
“The Law of Volunteering”If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell”When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

“The Law of Common Sense”Never accept a drink from a urologist.

“The Law of Reality”Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

“The Law of Self Sacrifice"When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

Computer Tips 2

Collection of Funny Computer Tips
* Computer (dfn): A device designed to speed and automate errors.
* Press to continue …Smash forehead on keyboard to continue… Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue… Just do something!!
* E-mail returned to sender — insufficient voltage.
* Help! I’ve modemed and I can’t hang up!!
* All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
* Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
* “640K ought to be enough for anybody.” - Bill Gates, 1981
* DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
* Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
* Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…
* Excuse me for butting in, but I’m interrupt-driven.
* Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~”
* Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
* Read my chips: No new upgrades!
* Hit any user to continue.
* 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!

Computer Tips 1

Collection of Funny Computer Tips
* Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or file name!”
* As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
* Backups? We don’t need no stinking backups.
* E Pluribus Modem
* C:\ File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
* A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.
* An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
* CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?
* A computer’s attention span is as long as its power cord.
* 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium.
* Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
* Windows: Just another pain in the glass.
* SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
* RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
* All computers wait at the same speed.