Middle East Phrase Book

Kbar Khali-Kili Haftir Lotfan.
Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.

Khrel, Jepaheh Maneh Va Jayeii Amrikahey
I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.

Tikeh Nuneh Ba Ob Khrelleh Bezorg Va Khube Boyast Ino Begeram
The water soaked breadcrumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.

Ekr Gabul Cardan Davat Parh Gush Divar
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head with my legs apart.

Maternier Ghermez Ahlieh Ghorban
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.

Howmaeh Fekr Tamomeh Oeh Gorteh Bande
I agree with everything you have ever said and thought in your whole life.

Balli, Balli, Balli
Whatever you say.

Auto Arraregh Davateman Mano Sephaheh- Hasti
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.

Cashal-Eh Fashal-Eh Tupheman Na Degat Man Goftam Cheeshayeh Mohemarir Behmeshvarehma.
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages, I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

During the 7-day Arab-Israeli War

During the 7-day Arab-Israeli war, the opposing armies were camped extremely close to one another on the first night of the war. One Israeli yelled out: “Hey Abdul, are you there?”

On the Arab side, Abdul stood up and said “Yeah?” The Israelis took out their machine guns and mowed down Abdul.

The second night, another Israeli yelled out, “Hey Mohammed, are you there?”

On the Arab side, Mohammed stood up and said “Yeah?” The Israelis took out their machine guns and mowed down Mohammed.

On the third night, the Arabs got smart. One of them yelled “Hey Moshe, are you there?”

The Israelis yelled back, “No, Moshe isn’t here but is that you, Achmed?”

Achmed stood up and said “Yeah?” and the Israelis took out the machine guns and mowed down Achmed.

Osama Jokes

Q:Why does Osama always carry a piece of shit in his pocket?
A: It’s his photo ID

Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: What’s the difference between the Taliban and a bucket of shit?
A: the bucket

Iraqi Banking

An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check.

“That’s humiliation,” shouts the Iraqi, “why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!”

The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head.

After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, “Tell me why you didn’t sign the check the first time but signed it later on?”

The Iraqi said, “You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it.”