Funny Junk

Unlocking Your Car

2008-02-06T10:06:00.001+05:30

Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:Blonde One: I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!Blonde Two: Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder! it’s starting to rain, and the top is down!

Your kid has been kidnapped

2008-02-06T10:05:00.000+05:30

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, “I’ve kidnapped you.”She then wrote a big note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde.” The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

Blonde and The Coke Machine

2008-02-05T18:25:00.000+05:30

This blonde was at a coke machine and and put her change in and mashed a button and out comes a drink. So she puts some more change in and pushed another button and out comes a drink. She keeps putting change in and pushing buttons and getting drinks. Here comes a man and asks the blonde if she is gonna be through at this machine any time soon and she responded" I'm not gonna quit until I stop winning."

Blonde Microsoft User

2007-12-29T08:40:00.001+05:30

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.”

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to have a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.

The blonde promptly replies, “Seventeen inches.”

“Seventeen inches?” asked the salesman. “That sounds very small — what room are they for?”

The blonde tells him that they aren’t for a room, but they are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, “But miss, computers do not need curtains!”

The blond says, “Hellllooooooooo? — I’ve got Windoooooows?”

Marital Advice

2007-12-23T13:05:00.000+05:30

A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”

The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”

“My wife is poisoning me.”

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “Are you sure? Why would she do such a thing?”

The man then pleads, “I don’t know why, but I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me. What should I do?”

The Rabbi thinks a bit, then says, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke with your wife. I called her and we talked on the phone for 3 hours.
You want my advice?”

“Yes, yes, of course.” said the man.

The Rabbi replied, “Take the poison.”

Low in Calories

2007-12-20T21:47:00.000+05:30

My friends and I had joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor held up an apple and a candy bar. “What are the attributes of this apple,” she asked, “and how do they relate to our diet?” “Low in calories” and “lots of fiber” were among the answers.

She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and concluded, “Apples are not only more healthful but also less expensive. Do you know I paid seventy-five cents for this candy bar?” We stared as she held aloft the forbidden treat.

From the back of the room a small voice spoke up: “I’ll give you a dollar for it.”

Ethnic Drinks

2007-12-20T21:33:00.000+05:30

The Italian says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have wine.”
The Mexican says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have tequila.”
The Scot says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have Scotch.”
The Swede says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have aquavit.”
The Japanese says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have sake.”
The Russian says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have vodka.”
The German says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have beer.”
The Greek says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have ouzo.”
The Jew says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes.”

Merry Christmas Day Oneliners

2007-11-16T17:33:00.001+05:30

Q. What’s red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.

Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.

Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A. Ribbon hood.

Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes.

Q. Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
A. She said “I could not work out what size her nose was!

Q. What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A. It was wound up already.

Q. What was wrong with the boy’s brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A. Forty feet of track - all straight!

Two Tourists

2007-11-16T17:31:00.000+05:30

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing.”

Grandma’s Boyfriend

2007-08-04T19:39:00.000+05:30

A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”
Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long.
The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I’m really happy with the TV as my boyfriend.” Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the
TV, hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the
door, and there stood a man.
The man said, “Hello, son, is your grandma home?”
The little boy replied, “Yeah, but she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her
boyfriend.”
Grandma’s minister fainted.

Two Hunters

2007-07-19T10:59:00.000+05:30

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, “OK, now what?”

Help Wanted

2007-07-16T13:17:00.000+05:30

A local business looking for office help put a sign in the window saying: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

A short time later, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, since the dog looked determined, he led him into the office.

Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager, who said, “I can’t hire you. You have to be able to type.”

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and typed out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager, gave it to him and then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then reminded the dog, “the sign says you have to be good with a computer.”

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. He then demonstrated his expertise with various programs, producing a sample spreadsheet and database which he presented to the manager.

By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.”

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign. he put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. “Yes,” the manager said, “but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.”

The dog looked him straight in the face, and said, “Meow.”

College Finals

2007-07-14T15:48:00.001+05:30

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester.

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page.

On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?

Good Excuse

2007-07-14T15:44:00.000+05:30

A guy bought a new Mercedes and was out on Highway 2 for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 140 km/h, he suddenly saw red and blue flashing lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 150, 160...

Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What in the world am I doing?" he thought, and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day," said the cop. "This is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

Intelligent Barber

2007-07-08T10:14:00.000+05:30

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

Stupid Things

2007-07-08T10:13:00.000+05:30

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…. I know where my watch is pal, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. What good is cake if you can’t eat it?

4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this?

5. When people say, while watching a film, “Did you see that?”. No, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did you?

7. When something is “new and improved!”…Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn’t be new.

8. When people say “life is short”. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever experiences!! What can you do that’s longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?

Mind Reader

2007-07-07T10:02:00.000+05:30

Try to take this test mentally.
Dont write anything down .

1) Pick a number from 2-9.It can be 2, 9 or anything inbetween.
2) Take that number, and multiply it by 9.
3) That should give you a two digit number. Take those two digits and add them together
4) Take the resulting number and subtract 5 from it
5) Take that number and correspond it to the alphabet, numbering the letters A=1,B=2,C=3 and so on…
6) Take your letter, and think of a country that begins with that letter
7) Take the last letter in the name of that country, and think of an animal that starts with this letter
Now, take the last letter in the name of that animal, and think of a color that starts with this letter

Note : There are no Orange Kangaroos in Denmark ….

Rabbit From Silks

2007-07-07T10:00:00.000+05:30

Note : It is a good trick. You can replace the rabbit with something else if you want.

Effect : A live rabbit appears inside a bundle of large silks.

Magic Secret : Take one silk, and lay it down flat. Then take a rabbit and put it in the center of the silk. Then tie two corners of it together, and hang the knot on a nail that is nailed on the back of your magic table, or put the bundle in a servante. Then, to present the trick, show about 5 silks empty, and count them onto the table. Then, when you pick them up, hook your thumb under the knot of the silk hanging behind the table, and carry it up behind the silks. Then walk to the front of the table, closer to the audience, and produce the rabbit. You will find that the rabbit will easily come out the side of the handkerchief it was tied in…

Computer Quotes

2007-07-06T12:54:00.000+05:30

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against whacking them around a bit.

Q: What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98? A: 3 years

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?
A: He doesn’t. He declares darkness the industry standard.

….. Ya see, we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for consumers than having only ONE choice of software?!?

Msn Sayings

2007-07-06T12:50:00.000+05:30

Hate. There’s too much of it, and yet I’m the main supplier.
Msn Sayings

If you’re gonna be 2 faced, then at least make 1 of them pretty

Wow, whats that smell? It smells like butt. Oh yeah, its your breath!

Roses are red, violets are blue, fools like you, are very few!

To catch me u gotta be fast,to find me u gotta be smart, but to be me… HA u must be kidding!

I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny
Msn Sayings

Yo mamma so stupid when her TV got stolen she ran after the robber to give him the remote!
Msn Sayings

Oh No! The Electricity Is Out, We’ll Have To Watch TV By Candlelight
Msn Sayings

Yo mamma so fat that she has two different timed watches on each wrist because shes in two different time zones.

Funny Birthday Trivia

2007-04-27T16:07:00.000+05:30

Funny Birthday Trivia

The melody for the Happy Birthday song was first penned by two sisters, Mildred and Patty Hill.

It is thought that birthday celebrations originated in the Roman Empire. And they were largely due to the prominent religion at the time, Mithraism, which was later supplanted by Christianity.

Although you might celebrate your birthday every year, your actual birthday only occurs once every 7 years! Not counting the leap years, the date you were born on moves each year to the following day of the week. This means your annual celebration is actually for your birth date - not your birthday - and in truth your birth day i.e. the actual day you were born on occurs only every 7 years!

Children who are on the leap day of February 29th often celebrate their birthdays on March 1st.

Germans take birthdays very seriously, sometimes receiving a half-day of vacation. The most common gifts among friends include flowers and wine.

In England, when you reach 80, 90 or 100 years of age, you receive a telegram from the Queen.

In India, black and white gift wrapping is considered unlucky.

The French and Italian celebrate Name Days more so than birthdays.

In Korea, the two most important birthdays are the 100th day and the 60th year.

In the Islamic world, green is a good color to use for wrapping.

A Golden Birthday happens only once in a person's lifetime. It happens when the person's age and the date of the day they were born is the same.

More people celebrate their birthdays in August than in any other month. The two other months in which birthday rates are high is July and September.

Close to two billion Birthday Cards are sent each year in the U.S. alone, accounting for nearly 58 percent of all cards sent.

The world's largest birthday cake was created in 1989 it weighed 128,238 pounds, 8 oz. and used 16,209 pounds of icing.

The most common birth date is October 5 and the least common is May 22 in U.S.A.

The day of the week in which the most babies are born is Tuesday while Sunday is the lowest day.

Anne Frank's world famous diary was given to her when she was thirteen years old.

The children’s day in India is celebrated on 14th November- the birthday of Jawahar Lal Nehru in memory of his love for children.

The Teacher’s day in India is celebrated on 5th September-the birthday of Dr Radhakrishnan-former President of India and a great educationist.

The Sultan of Brunei hosted the world's most expensive Birthday Party to celebrate his 50th Birthday on 13 July, 1996. The cost was a whopping US $27.2 million. Three concerts featuring Michael Jackson costs US $16 million of the total amounts.

Paul McCartney's Birth Certificate was auctioned in March 1997, for US $84,146. It is believed to be the world's most expensive Birth Certificate.

William Shakespeare's died on his 52nd birthday: 23 April 1616.

The Shift key FAQ

2007-04-26T23:49:00.001+05:30

Funny Computer Jokes

The Shiftkey FAQ
Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
A: Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.

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Q: What happens if I press both shift keys?
A: Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139.95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.

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Q: my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
A: Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your spiritual advisor. Perhaps your deity would not be angered by repeated use of the Caps Lock key, or maybe you can retain a consultant to depress the shift for you. You might also consider replacing punctuation marks that require the use of shift keys with lower case expressions; replace ? with "huh" and ! with "zowie".

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Q: I PRESSED SHIFT AND IT"S STUCK DOWN NOW
A: Do small children with a fondness for peanut butter use your keyboard frequently? If so, you may want to clean it off for more reliable operation. First, disconnect your keyboard by gripping each of its ends firmly and pulling as hard as you can. Next, immerse the keyboard in warm water and scrub thoroughly with your favorite lemon-scented detergent and lots of steel wool. Finally, you need to dry the keyboard. Either dry it to touch with a handheld blowdryer, or place it it the dryer for not less than 60 minutes. Be sure to clean the lint screen when you are finished.

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Q:Why are there are no "shift" keys on my keyboard, but there are two keys labelled "hif"?
A:Again, you may want to consider cleaning your keyboard, and washing your hands more frequently for that matter.

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Q:Are there shift keys on my Macintosh?
A:Yes, although instead of the notation "shift", the key may be labelled with an excited Mac face, something like :O . Press this key to use shift, and be thankful you're using a friendly Mac instead of a mean old PC with all them confusin' words 'n stuff on it.

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Q:I'm sick of pushing the shift key every single time I want big letters. Is there any other way to do this?
A:This is the Modern Age of Convenience, and you may be able to activate the shift key merely with the power of your voice! Check to see whether your computer is equippped with speech-recognition equipment by saying the word "shift" very clearly and slowly into its speaker. Then watch the keyboard closely to see if the Shift key moves down. Note that you may have to repeat this action several times to "train" the computer to recognize your voice before the feature works reliably.

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Q:There are two shift keys, which should I use?
A:Avoid unnecessary wear on either shift key by alternating between the two. Keep track of your usage of each key so that you press them in equal amounts. Your keyboard may be equipped with a small notepad; you should use this to make little tally marks in two columns for each time you shift. Remember, it's better to go to a little trouble than wind up with a broken shift key.

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Q:Why are the shift keys bigger than the other keys?
A:They aren't. This is simply an optical illusion. Just as the moon appears much larger when it is close to the horizon, your shift keys look larger because of their proximity to other keys. To verify this, go out in a large field at night with your keyboard, place it in an upright position, and view it from a distance of 200 yards. Sure enough, the keys all look the same size!

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Q: If I press the shift key at the wrong time, or too many times, will my computer explode?
A: No. Well, generally no. Not unless you are using a NEC laptop. Or vt100 terminal emulation. But even then, hardly ever. Really, don't worry about it. Forget I mentioned it. Just type softly. Move along, next question.

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Q: No matter what I do, the shift key just doesn't seem to work. What's wrong?
A: Have you ever considered that the problem may not be your keyboard, the problem may be YOU? Perhaps God Himself has suspended the operation of these keys to send you a Message that you have strayed from the path of righteousness. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your life. Before rushing blindly ahead with a lot of shifting, consult the spiritual advisor of your choice for help in dealing with any unresolved issues in your relationship with the Almighty.

The Microsoft Cafe

2007-04-26T23:48:00.000+05:30

Funny Computer Jokes

Customer: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Customer: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Customer: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Customer: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Customer: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Customer: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Customer: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Customer: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Customer: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Customer: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.

[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Customer: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Customer: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[Waiter leaves.]

Customer: Waiter! Now there's a mosquito in my soup!

The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $ 2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10.00
Editors Note: Bug in the soup........included at no extra charge (will be fixed with Tomorrow's soup of the day)

Computer Breasts

2007-04-26T23:45:00.000+05:30

Funny Computer Jokes

(o)(o) perfect breasts
( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts
(*)(*) high nipple breasts
(@)(@) big nipple breasts
oo A cups
{ O }{ O } D cups
()() cold breasts
(o)(O) lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) pierced breasts
(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts
(:o)(o) bitten by a vampire breasts
\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts
( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts
< o >< o > electric shock breasts
|o||o| android breasts
(/)(o) scratched breasts (ouch)
(%)(o) extra nipple breasts (like Chandler)
($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts
(^o)(o) zit on your breast
( o Y o ) poses for SCORE magazine breasts .

Email Commandments

2007-04-26T18:08:00.000+05:30

E-MAIL COMMANDMENTS

Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.

Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.

Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before sendest it.

Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.

Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.

Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE all CAPS.

Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.

Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of email, especially from work.

Thou shalt not use email for any illegal or unethical purpose.

When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.

And, the Golden Rule of email:
That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.

Funny Excuses By Kids

2007-04-24T14:38:00.000+05:30

Funny Excuses By Kids :

I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to add to MY TEACHER’S already heavy workload.

I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.

I put it in a safe, but lost the combination.

Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked.

I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away.

I left it in my shirt and my mother put the shirt for washing.

My little sister ate it.

A sudden wind blew it out of my hand and I never saw it again.

I was kidnapped by terrorists and they only just let me go, so I didn’t have time to do it.

The lights in our house went out, and I had to burn it to get enough light to see the fuse box.

Another pupil fell in a lake, and I jumped in to rescue him but unfortunately my homework drown.

I used it to fill a hole in my shoe, you wouldn’t want it now.

My father had a nervous breakdown and he cut it up to make paper dolls.

I didn’t do it, because I didn’t want the other kids in the class to look bad.

FunnyJunk Poem | I want you

2007-04-23T18:02:00.000+05:30

FunnyJunk Poem - I want you
What I have to say is straight from the heart

You may not have known it yet

But i have loved you from the start

From the moment our eyes first met

I wanted to get to know you

Please believe everything I say

These feelings are so true

I hope you feel the same way

It’s time to make it official

Let’s be together

I don’t know how far we’ll go

But I hope it last forever.

FunnyJunk Ball

2007-04-22T23:35:00.000+05:30

This funnyjunk Ball is actually a friendship ball.

Stupid questions | Answers

2007-04-22T11:31:00.000+05:30

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends…
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on
your feet…
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…..why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??
Answer:-
No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also
spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after
years…
Stupid Question:-
Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.
Answer:-
Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yours..

Funny Sarcastic Quotes

2007-04-21T12:38:00.000+05:30

Funny Sarcastic Quotes Sayings and Quotations Collection

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

I’m smiling. This should scare you.

The universe is laughing behind your back.

Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Blows are sarcasms turned stupid.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

I’m not sure what’s wrong… But it’s probably your fault.

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.

The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed by rain).

I never admit or deny anything it makes me more interesting.

By the time you read this you’ve already read it.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

By the time you read this you’ve already read it.

Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much. You’re not that good.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

GCSE Exam Answers

2007-04-21T10:04:00.000+05:30

FunnyJunk GCSE Exam Answers Collection

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.

Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

True Funny Exam Answers

2007-04-21T10:00:00.000+05:30

True Funny Exam Answers Collection
It's hard to believe these exam answers are true, I know standards are slipping but...

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Presumably also the inspiration of Vivaldi (don't forget the Ketchup)

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be
made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

TECHNOLOGY
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

(to keep him cool in the desert ?)

RELIGION
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.

Funny Science Exam Answers

2007-04-21T09:56:00.000+05:30

Funny Science Exam Answers Collection
# When you breath, you inspire. When you don't breath, you expire.
# The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
# A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
# When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
# For head colds, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops into your throat.
# The moon is a planet just like Earth, only deader.
# Artificial insemination is what the farmer does to the cow instead of the bull.
# Dew is formed on leaves when sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
# To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
# Equator: A managerie lion running around Earth through Africa.
# To remove dust from your eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
# Momentum. What you give a person when they are going away.
# Nitrogen is not found in Ireland, because it is not found in a free state.
# Magnet: Something you can find crawling over a dead cat.
# H20 is hot water. CO2 is cold water.
# Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
# Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
# Respiration is composed of inspiration and then expectoration.
# For a nosebleed: Put the nose lower than the body until the heart stops.
# To prevent contraception use a condominium.
# Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

Funny Junk Joke | Electric Train

2007-04-20T18:10:00.000+05:30

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

2007-04-20T18:08:00.000+05:30

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

FunnyJunk Videos

2007-04-20T18:05:00.000+05:30

FunnyJunk Videos - Gone Daddy Gone

FunnyJunk Pictures

2007-04-20T17:59:00.000+05:30

Funny Junk Pictures

Funny Phrases | Phrases

2007-04-20T14:58:00.000+05:30

Funny Phrases Collection

He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.

He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.

He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.

Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter's Lodge.

As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat

It's colder than a penguin's bollocks

She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging

You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier

She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard

As rare as a Blonde virgin

I've seen more hair on a billiard ball

He's as camp as a row of tents

I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box

They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick up

As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium

You could park a bike on that bum

He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank

He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure

Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers

About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.

As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition

She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head

She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner

About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.

He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers

She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!

He's tighter than a photo finish.

Lawyer at the Pearly Gates

2007-04-19T12:54:00.000+05:30

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, “How many people died on the ship?” Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, “About 1,500.” “That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”

The Limo

2007-04-19T12:53:00.000+05:30

The Pope was getting into his limo one night when he turned to the limo driver and said, “Before I die, I would love to drive this beautiful limo just once.”

“Well, here,” the limo driver says, “Take the wheel, Your Holiness”

Further down the road, the limo is stopped by a policeman who looks in the window, goes back to his squad car, calls dispatch and says, “I just pulled over someone real important and I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, who is it?” his dispatcher says, “The mayor? The governor? The president?”

“I don’t know,” the officer responds, “but the Pope’s his chauffeur”

Really That has to be Mr Bush

2007-04-19T12:52:00.000+05:30

He is surely a Scholar.Hats off to you Mr President for reading the childish book as FBI coding.

A Letter to Rudolph

2007-04-19T00:35:00.000+05:30

Dear Husband, It is time that I must have my say,
I've taken your shit day after day.
I've kept the home peaceful year after year
Now there is going to be changes, so listen my dear.

So you're famous, everyone knows your name,
And you're a specialist by gum, in the transport game,
You think you're so grand with your important job.
But I'm telling you my dear you're a worn out old yob

363 days a year,
You sit on your arse drinking scotch, rum and beer,
You claim it is to keep up the shine on your nose
So Santa can see where he bloodywell goes.

One night a year is all that you work,
You and your eight reisty mates - they're all jerks.
Dasher and Dancer - Speed freaks I say,
The sleigh wouldn't go that quick any other way.
Prancer and Vixen - Just cheap little tarts,
But they look like angels once Comet starts.

Cupids on some freaked out damned power trip,
And Donner...well, she should just get a damned grip
And Blitzen, I almost don't need to say,
Is here getting blitzed with you every day.

All of these years at the front of the sled,
Has gone, I'm afraid, to your crusty old head.
You're a layabout and a drunkard, with a big shiny nose,
And a weakness for elves in black pantyhose.

I'm telling you husband that one Christmas song,
Has made you think that you can do no wrong.
So this year while your out with old Santa's sled,
I am eloping, my dear, with your friend - Mr. Ed

Robot Dog

2007-04-19T00:27:00.000+05:30

President Bush at Pope's Funeral

2007-04-18T19:01:00.000+05:30

Funny Riddles 1

2007-04-01T18:04:00.000+05:30

Funny Riddles Collection

How many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick?
Only one, the last one.

What is everything to someone, and nothing to everyone else?
Your mind.

Big as a biscuit, deep as a cup, even a river can’t fill it up. What is it?
A kitchen strainer.

What goes up and never comes down?
Your age.

What’s the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
To cover cows.

What has feet and legs, and nothing else?
Stockings

What grows when it eats, but dies when it drinks?
A candle.

What stays where it is when it goes off?
An alarm clock

You heard me before, yet you hear me again. Then I die, ’til you call me again. What am I?
An echo

There is a man standing over a dead body in a coffin, and another man walks in and asks, who’s in the coffin. The first man replies, brothers and sisters, I have none, but this man’s father is my fathers son. Who’s in the coffin?
His son

There are 2 guards. One tells the truth and one lies. There are also 2 doors. One leads to Heaven and the other leads to the devils playground. One guard is in front of each door. You can only ask the guards ONE question and you have to ask the same question to both guards. What you are trying to find out is which door leads to Heaven and which door leads to the devil’s playground.
Ask each one “What will the other one say is the door to heaven?” They should answer the same. Go in the opposite door they say.

Two boxers are in a boxing match (regular boxing, not kick boxing). The fight is scheduled for 12 rounds but ends after 6 rounds, after one boxer knocks out the other boxer. Yet no man throws a punch. How is this possible?
They were women boxing.

A farmer had seventeen sheep, all but nine died, how many did he have left?
9

A man builds a house with all 4 sides facing south. A bear walks past the house. What color is the bear?
Probably a white Polar Bear in the North Pole.

A skin have I, more eyes than one. I can be very nice when I am done. What am I?
A potato

Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
Mt.Everest

Can a man legally marry his widow’s sister in the state of California?
No, he’s dead

Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
She lived in the southern hemisphere.

He has married many women, but has never been married. Who is he?
A preacher.

How many of each animal did Moses take on the ark?
Moses didnt make the ark, Noah did.

How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
Once, because after you subtract it’s not 25 anymore.

How much dirt is in a hole 4 feet deep and 2 feet wide?
There is no dirt in a hole.

I know a word of letters three, add two and fewer there will be.
Few

If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?
Roosters don’t lay eggs.

If two’s company and three’s a crowd, what are four and five?
9

If you were in a dark room with a candle, a woodstove, a match and a gas lamp which do you light first?
The match

Funny Riddles

2007-04-01T18:01:00.000+05:30

Extremely Funny Riddles Collection

Is it physically possible for you to stand behind your mother, and for your mother to stand behind you at the same time?
Yes, if you stand back to back.

In a marathon race what does the winning runner lose?
Their breath!

Why didn’t Beethoven finish the Unfinished Symphony?
The Unfinished Symphony was started by Schubert, not Beethoven!

What has holes but holds water?
A sponge

David’s father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and _____ ?
David

What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath!

You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?
The telephone.

You can’t keep this until you have given it.
Your word.

There is $21.00 in 1 dollar bills that has to be split evenly among the 2 fathers and 2 sons. How is this possible?
There is only really three people…a grandfather, the father, and the father’s son who each get $7.

A Man walked up to his house and he heard his wife scream ” John Don’t do it!” and the man ran inside and saw his wife, dead on the floor. Around her was a Baker, Milkman, and a Doctor. The man goes up to the Milkman and says “U did It!”. How did the man know he did it?
The baker and the doctor were both women and John the milkman was the only guy.

What do you call a country, where all the cars in it are pink?
A pink carnation.

There is an ancient invention still used in some parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls. What is it?
A Window

What question can someone ask all day long, always get completely different answers, and yet all the answers could be correct?
“What time is it?”

In a certain city, 5% of all the persons in town have unlisted phone numbers. If you select 100 names at random from that city’s phone directory, how many people selected will have unlisted phone numbers?
None. If their names are in the phone directory, they do not have unlisted phone numbers!

There is a horse tied to a rope. The rope is 10 feet long. There is a bale of hay 23 feet in front of the horse. The horse is able to eat the hay, yet does not break the rope. How is that possible?
The rope isn’t tied to anything!

After a man had been blindfolded, someone hung up his hat. The man walked 100 yards, turned around, and shot a bullet through his hat. How is such a feat possible?
His hat was hung over the barrel of the rifle!

At a posh restaurant I was having dinner with a noted historian. We were discussing the relative merits of Woodrow Wilson, when my friend turned to me and said, “I’ll tell you all you need to know about the character of Woodrow Wilson. Why when he ran for president, his own mother didn’t even vote for him!”
“Is that true?”, I asked.
“Of course, it’s true,” he said. “I know whereof I speak.”
That ended the discussion. I didn’t realize until I got home that, although my friend spoke the truth, I had been tricked. How had I been mislead?
Of course Woodrow Wilson’s mother did not vote for her son. She couldn’t. Women didn’t have the right to vote before 1920.

How is it possible to shave three times a day and still grow a beard?
If you were a barber, you could shave other men three times a day and still grow your own beard.

A man fell off a 20-foot ladder and landed on the sidewalk, but he did not get hurt. Why not?
He fell off the bottom rung!

Why are 1980 pennies worth almost $20?
1,980 pennies equals $19.80, which is almost $20.

Which is correct: 18 plus 19 is 36. Or 18 plus 19 are 36?
Actually neither is correct - 18 plus 19 is 37!

Famous Graduation Sayings Quotes and Quotations

2007-03-28T23:12:00.001+05:30

Huge Collection of Famous Graduation Sayings Quotes and Quotations

Just about a month from now I'm set adrift, with a diploma for a sail and lots of nerve for oars.
-- Richard Halliburton --

Life is my college. May I graduate well, and earn some honors!
-- Louisa May Alcott --

Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these
-- Susan B. Anthony ----

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.
-- Russell Green ---

The elective system ... offered a bewildering freedom of choice, leaving some graduates with the impression that they had nibbled at dozens of canapés of knowledge and never had their fill."
-- Ted Morgan ---

The fireworks begin today. Each diploma is a lighted match,
each one of you is a fuse
-- Ed Koch ---

The modern school without systematic lectures turns out many graduates who lack retention. No sooner has the sound of the word left their teacher's lips, the subject has been forgotten. . .
- Racial Integrity 1913
-- Arthur Schomburg ----

The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money.

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
-- Doug Larson ---

The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.
-- Sydney Harris ----

The young graduate is discovering that among the necessaries of life, the most important is living
-- Unknown ---

There is a good reason they call these ceremonies "commencement exercises." Graduation is not the end; it's the beginning
-- Orrin Hatch --

There is no need to reach high for the stars. They are already within you - just reach deep into yourself!
-- Unknown --

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
-- A. A. Milne --

Whenever it is possible, a boy should choose some occupation which he should do even if he did not need the money.
-- William Lyon Phelps---

You are educated. Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world.
-- Tom Brokaw ----

Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
-- Gary Bolding --

Your schooling may be over, but remember that your education still continues.
-- Unknown --

Baby you are very beautiful...

2007-03-23T23:33:00.000+05:30

Famous Movie Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-22T21:00:00.000+05:30

Huge Collection of Famous Movie Quotes Sayings and Quotations

You know what, I am an FBI agent, all right? I'm not a performing monkey in heels...
-- Miss Congeniality

You look strong enough to rip the ears off a gundark!!!
- Han Solo
-- Star Wars

You want answers?
I want the truth!!!
You can't handle the truth!!!!
-- A Few Good Men

You're gonna need a bigger boat...
Jaws (1975)
-- Jaws

You're not the man I knew ten years ago...

It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage...
-- Raiders of the Lost Ark

Let them come, there is one Dwarf in Moria who still draws Blood..
- Gimli the Dwarf
-- Lord of The Rings

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look once in awhile, you could miss it...
- Ferris Beuler
-- Ferris Beuler's Day Off

Magic Mirror on the Wall, Who is the fairest one of all???
-- Snow White

Marriage, fun? Fiddle-dee-dee! Fun for men you mean....
- Scarlett O'Hara
-- Gone With The Wind

Mr. Madison, what you have just said, is the most insanely idiotic thing I have ever heard. At no point, in your rambling incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul....
-- Billy Madison

My dear boy, if God had intended for us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates..
-- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory--

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible....
-- When Harry Met Sally

Wise men say: Forgiveness is divine but never pay full price for late pizza...
- Michelangelo
-- Ninja Turles

You eat pieces for breakfast?!!!!!
- Adam Sandler
-- Happy Gillmore

Famous Insulting Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-22T20:52:00.000+05:30

Huge Collection of Famous Insulting Quotes Sayings and Quotations

It is not he who gives abuse that affronts, but the view that we take of it as insulting; so that when one provokes you it is your own opinion which is provoking.
-- Epictetus ---

Why do you get up in the morning?
-- Unknown ---

Insulting Quotes - Funny Quotes - Insults - Funny Insults The point of quotations is that one can use another's words to be insulting.
-- Amanda Cross --

Say what you mean, then shut up.
-- Unknown ---

I need more money, more power, and less shit from stupid people like you.
-- Unknown---

I'm not rude, you're insignificant.
-- Unknown --

It is not he who reviles or strikes you who insults you, but your opinion that these things are insulting.
-- Epictetus --

You never mattered anyway.
-- Unknown --

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
-- Unknown ---

He'd make a lovely corpse.
-- Unknown ---

I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.
-- Dennis Miller ---

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
-- Unknown ---

That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.
-- Unknown ---

All that 'poor hometown girl who marries into Hollywood royalty'. It's actually quite insulting to my parents.
-- Catherine Zeta Jones ---

He has delusions of adequacy.
-- Unknown ---

I'm sorry, you seem to have mistaken me for someone who cares.
-- Unknown ---

Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.
-- Unknown ---

To praise princes for virtues they are lacking in is a way of insulting them with impunity
-- François de la Rochefoucauld ---

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
-- Unknown --

You must not, when you have gained a victory, use any triumphing or insulting expression, nor show too much pleasure ; but endeavor to console your adversary, and make him less dissatisfied with himself by every kind and civil expression, that may be
-- Benjamin Franklin ---

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
-- Unknown ---

It would be hypocritical of me to ask. It would suggest I care.
-- Unknown

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'
-- Janeane Garofalo ---

I am a poor man, but I would gladly give ten shillings to find out who sent me the insulting Christmas card I received this morning.
-- George Grossmith ---

You're a man without any nice qualities, as far as I can tell.
-- Unknown ---

I'm busy. Can I ignore you some other time?
-- Unknown ----

I find a few people annoying, and you are all of them.
-- Unknown--

She has a toxic personality bordering on the radioactive.
-- Unknown--

Debating against him is no fun, say something insulting and he looks at you like a whipped dog.
-- Harold Wilson ---

Humans only use about 1/10 of their brain power. With you, it could be less.
-- Unknown ---

The pedestal is immobilizing and subtly insulting whether or not some women yet realize it. We must move up from the pedestal.
-- Wilma Scott Heide ---

Please deprive me of your company.
-- Unknown ---

Famous Love Poem Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-22T20:43:00.000+05:30

Huge Collection of Famous Love Poem Quotes Sayings and Quotations

The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love.
--Pearl Bailey 1918-1990--

What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.
--Pearl Bailey--

The advantage of love at first sight is that it delays a second sight.
---Natalie Clifford Barney---

It is easier to keep half a dozen lovers guessing than to keep one lover after he has stopped guessing.
---Helen Rowland------

Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety. Other women cloy the appetites they feed, but she makes hungry where most she satisfies.
-----William Shakespeare 1564-1616, British Poet, Playwright, Actor---

We that are true lovers run into strange capers.
---William Shakespeare---

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.
---Marcus Aurelius---

Not all of us have to possess earthshaking talent. Just common sense and love will do.
--Myrtle Auvil--

Real love stories never have endings.
--Richard Bach--

For a crowd is not company; and faces are but a gallery of pictures; and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love.
--Francis Bacon--

Nuptial love makes mankind; friendly love perfects it; but wanton love corrupts and debases it.
--Francis Bacon--

Famous Patriotic Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-22T20:39:00.000+05:30

Huge Collection of Famous Patriotic Quotes Sayings and Quotations

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
-- P.J O'Rourke--

If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquillity of servitude greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you; May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.
-- Samuel Adams---

In the beginning of a change, the Patriot is a scarce man, Brave, Hated, and Scorned. When his cause succeeds however,the timid join him, For then it costs nothing to be a Patriot.
-- Mark Twain---

It is not the function of the government to keep the citizen from falling into error; it is the function of the citizen to keep the government from falling into error.
U.S. Supreme Court Justice
-- Robert H. Parker---

To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
-- Thomas Jefferson---

To disarm the people (is) the best and most effectual way to enslave them...
-- George Mason--

True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else.
-- Clarence Seward Darrow---

We are not weak, if we make proper use of those means which the God of nature hath placed in our power... The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave.
-- Patrick Henry---

It is our duty still to endeavor to avoid war; but if it shall actually take place, no matter by whom brought on, we must defend ourselves. If our house be on fire, without inquiring whether it was fired from within or without, we must try to extinguish it.
-- Thomas Jefferson---

Laws that forbid the carrying of arms...disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes...Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man.
-- Thomas Jefferson--

One of the great attractions of patriotism -- it fulfills our worst wishes. In the person of our nation we are able, vicariously, to bully and cheat. Bully and cheat, what's more, with a feeling that we are profoundly virtuous.
-- Aldous Leonard Huxley----

Men in authority will always think that criticism of their policies is dangerous. They will always equate their policies with patriotism, and find criticism subversive.
-- Henry Steele--

Most people, sometime in their lives, stumble across truth. Most jump up, brush themselves off, and hurry on about their business as if nothing had happened.
-- Sir Winston Churchill--

Famous Technology Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-22T20:34:00.000+05:30

Huge Collection of Famous Technology Quotes Sayings and Quotations

Men have become the tools of their tools.
-- Henry David Thoreau---

Just as we could have rode into the sunset, along came the Internet, and it tripled the significance of the PC.
-- Andy Grove---

Leaders have to act more quickly today. The pressure comes much faster.
-- Andy Grove---

Looking at the proliferation of personal web pages on the net, it looks like very soon everyone on earth will have 15 Megabytes of fame.
-- M. G. Siriam---

Microsoft is a bully. Microsoft is trying to hoodwink nontechnical people.
-- Stewart Alsop---

Modern technology
Owes ecology
An apology.
-- Alan M. Eddison---

Once upon a time we were just plain people. But that was before we began having relationships with mechanical systems. Get involved with a machine and sooner or later you are reduced to a factor.
-- Ellen Goodman---

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
-- Elbert Hubbard---

There are three roads to ruin; women, and technicians. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with , but the surest is with technicians.
-- Georges Pompidou---

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
-- C. A. R. Hoare--

Microsoft is engaging in unlawful predatory practices that go well beyond the scope of fair competition.
-- Orrin Hatch--

There never was a chip, it is said, that Bill Gates couldn't slow down with a new batch of features.
-- James Coates---

Through the magic of motion pictures, someone who's never left Peoria knows the softness of a Paris spring, the color of a Nile sunset, the sorts of vegetation one will find along the upper Amazon and that Big Ben has not yet gone digital.
-- Vincent Canby---

Microsoft isn't evil, they just make really crappy operating systems.
-- Linus Torvalds---

UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.
-- Dave Barry---

URLs are the 800 numbers of the 1990's.
-- Chris Clark---

Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea - massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it.
-- Gene Spafford---

We are the children of a technological age. We have found streamlined ways of doing much of our routine work. Printing is no longer the only way of reproducing books. Reading them, however, has not changed...
-- Lawrence Clark Powell---

We are there to serve our subscribers, not serve them up.
-- Claudia Caplan---

We will create a civilization of the Mind in Cyberspace. May it be more humane and fair than the world your governments have made before.
-- John Perry Barlow----

Famous Philosophy Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-22T20:30:00.000+05:30

Collection of Famous Philosophy Quotes Sayings and Quotations

We must exchange the philosophy of excuse--what I am is beyond my control--for the philosophy of responsibility..
-- Barbara Charline Jordan-----

Without music life would be a mistake..
-- Friedrich Nietzsche--

Your philosophy determines whether you will go for the diciplines or continue the errors...
-- Unknown----

There is just one life for each of us: our own.
-- Euripedes---

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
-- Ambrose Bierce---

The incomparable stupidity of life teaches us to love our parents; divine philosophy teaches us to forgive them..
-- Baron de la Brede et de Montesquieu---

The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith---

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.
-- Smith & Jones---

The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.
-- Bertrand Russel---

The society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity, and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because philosophy is an exalted activity, will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.
-- John W(illiam) Gardner---

The stoical scheme of supplying our wants by lopping off our desires, is like cutting off our feet when we want shoes.
-- Jonathan Swift---

There are now-a-days professors of philosophy but not philosophers.
-- Henry David Thoreau---

There are three schools of magic. One: State a tautology, then ring the changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy. Two: Record many facts. Try to find a pattern. Then make a wrong guess at the next fact; that's science. Three: Be aware that you live..
-- Fortune---

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.
-- Dalai Lama---

To persevere is always a reflection of the state of one's inner life, one's philosophy and one's perspective
-- David Guterson---

We are not abandoning our convictions, our philosophy or traditions, nor do we urge anyone to abandon theirs.
-- Mikhail Gorbachev---

We are not abandoning our convictions, our philosophy or traditions, nor do we urge anyone to abandon theirs.
-- Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachev---

Famous Wedding Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-22T20:27:00.000+05:30

Huge Collection of Famous Wedding Quotes Sayings and Quotations

It is amazing at how small a price may the wedding ring be placed upon a worthless hand; but, by the beauty of our law, what heaps of gold are indispensable to take it off!

Live the life you've dreamed
------ Henry David Thoreau-------

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering...

Marriage - a book in which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.
--------Beverly Nichols------

The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him -
----- Cher------

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after.
----- Polish Proverb---

This day I will marry my friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love
-- Unknown---

Two souls with but a single thought, Two hearts that beat as one.
----- Friedrich Halm---

We sat side by side in the morning light
and looked out at the future together.
----- Brian Andres---

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
-- Jean Kerr---

Men make love more intensely at 20, but make love better, however, at 30 - Men make love more intensely at 20, but make love better, however, at 30 - Catherine II of Russia
-- Catherine II---

Now join your hands, and with your hands your hearts.
-- William Shakespeare---

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
-- Groucho Marx---

What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.
Mark 10:9
-- BIBLE---

Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.
-- John Lyly---

Son of Bitch - Funny Joke

2007-03-22T20:16:00.000+05:30

A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession. "Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."
"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.
"Because, Father, he touched me on my arm without permission."
"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.
"Yes Father."
"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But Father he also touched my breasts."
"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.
"Yes Father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But Father, he took off my clothes."
"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.
"Yes Father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But Father, he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."
"Like this?" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.
"Yes Father," she says sometime later.
"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But Father, he has AIDS."
"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!"

Naked Girl Streaking Through The Busy Street

2007-03-22T20:12:00.001+05:30

A German girl dared to parade on the street completely naked. She is definitely a exhibitionist streaker.
But the best part is the group of 13 odd year olds following her all through her parade..

Three teenage girls on date! PG

2007-03-22T20:11:00.000+05:30

These three teenage girls were roommates. One Friday night right after the semester started they all had all gone out on dates, and by chance all came home at about the same time.

The first one came in and said with a smug look on her face, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."

The second one laughed at her and said, "No, no, that's nothing! You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared."

The third one sat quiet with a blank stare on her face and didn't say a thing for a few minutes. Then she reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck with a loud thud!

She said, "Now THAT'S a good date!!"

Sex and digging!

2007-03-22T20:10:00.000+05:30

Son (S) : Why is making love so enjoyable.
Father (F) : It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger !!

S : Why do women enjoy sex more than man
F : It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.

S: Why do women hate it when they get raped .
F: It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it ??

S: Why woman cannot have sex when they are having menstruation?
F: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it ??

S: Why man do not like to wear condoms when they are making love.
F: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger.

S: Why are making love carried out in private?
F: Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid!

S: What is an orgasm ?
F:The same as sneezing, but the the other way round

S: Is it true that women love big dicks ?
F: Ever tried picking your nose with your thumb ?

S: What's anal sex?
F: Picking your mouth

ARE YOU DIGGING ENOUGH ?

Who's got the world's tastiest water?

2007-03-22T20:08:00.000+05:30

BERKELEY SPRINGS, W.Va. — For the third time in four years, the northwest Ohio town of Montpelier can claim bragging rights to the world's tastiest tap water.

The village of 4,200 near the Michigan state line has won the Best Municipal Water category, repeating 2003 and 2006 victories at the annual Berkeley Springs International Water Tasting.

Only one other community, Atlantic City, N.J., has had back-to-back victories in the same category, claiming gold in 1993 and 1994.

Second, third and fourth places this year went to three towns in British Columbia — Clearbrook, Elkford and Campbell River, respectively.

The Metropolitan Water District of Southern California, a former gold medal winner, came in fifth among 32 entries from 13 states and three Canadian provinces, event producer Jill Klein Rone said Tuesday.

More than 100 waters from 23 U.S. states and 11 countries were judged in various categories at the weekend tasting competition.

Accused Robber Gets Robbed!

2007-03-22T20:07:00.000+05:30

FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. (AP) - February 28, 2007 - - Police in North Carolina say a man who robbed a Fayetteville bank wound up being a robbery victim himself.

A police spokeswoman says once officers arrested the suspect a Fayetteville motel, he went to his room to show them the money. That's when he discovered some of it was missing.

Police later charged a motel maintenance man with breaking into the room and taking some of the cash.

The bank robbery suspect had just been released from prison last month after serving time for robbing the same bank in 2005.

Woman Finds WWII Grenade In Potatoes!

2007-03-22T20:06:00.000+05:30

(AP) ROME A woman in a town near Naples got an unwelcome surprise when she bought a sack of potatoes at a nearby market, put them into water to peel and discovered one of them was a hand grenade apparently left over from World War II.

Olga Mauriello had put the potatoes in a vat of water and had just begun peeling them Tuesday when she found the explosive, covered in dirt, police said Wednesday.

An alarmed Mauriello, 74, called neighbors, who in turn called police.

Officers detonated the grenade in a park on Wednesday, state police said.

The grenade was believed to have traveled with the potatoes from France, the ANSA news agency reported.

Alleged burglar gets shot by grandfather!

2007-03-22T20:05:00.000+05:30

CAMP HILL, Pa. (AP) A man was shot in the hand by his own grandfather when he broke into the older man's home to steal beer and liquor, police said.

Darin D'Marcus Thompson, 18, of Camp Hill, was charged Wednesday with breaking into the home early Tuesday morning. Police said the grandfather, Herbert Miller, did not realize he had shot his own grandson until authorities told him who the intruder was.

Thompson broke in through a basement window and was going through a liquor cabinet when the noise alerted Miller, according to a court affidavit. Miller pursued Thompson into a darkened garage, then shot him, authorities said.

Thompson fled the home and sought treatment at a hospital, at first claiming he was the victim of a drive-by shooting, police said. He later confessed, according to police.

Thompson was charged with burglary, trespassing, attempted theft and criminal mischief.

He was not immediately arraigned on Wednesday and it was unclear whether he had a lawyer.

School Sued Over Girl's Socks!

2007-03-22T19:59:00.000+05:30

(AP) A seventh-grader might end up in court for wearing Winnie the Pooh socks to school. Toni Kay Scott, 14, was sent to an in-school suspension program called Students With Attitude Problems last year for violating a dress code, according to a lawsuit against the Napa Valley Unified School District and Redwood Middle School.

She had donned socks with the Tigger character from the Winnie the Pooh cartoons on them, along with a denim skirt and a brown shirt with a pink border.

But the school's policy requires students to wear clothes with solid colors in blue, white, green, yellow, khaki, gray, brown and black. Permitted fabrics are cotton twill, corduroy and chino. No denim is allowed.

The lawsuit, filed Monday in Napa County Superior Court by The American Civil Liberties Union and a law firm on the girl's behalf, alleges that the dress code is unconstitutionally vague and too restrictive.

"We should be able to show everyone who we are and have a way to express ourselves, as long as we aren't showing off things that shouldn't be shown off at school," the teenager said in a statement.

The lawsuit said the policy goes too far and forces aesthetic conformity in the name of safety. The rules violate the California Education Code, said plaintiffs' attorney Sharon O'Grady.

A telephone message left Tuesday at Redwood Middle School was not immediately returned.

Warning - Wise Sms

2007-03-21T18:52:00.000+05:30

Collection of Wise sms

If you fool me once shame on you.If you fool me twice shame on me.

Guys are like roses- watch out for the pricks..

Children playing outside cars can cause accidents.but adults playing inside cars can cause children by accident!!!!

Boys should tell their trousers that it ‘s rude to point..

be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart.for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top......

Be friendly to your children as they are the ones that decide where you live when your are old......

When you finally find the perfect guy you think to yourself why isn't he taken????

boys r like mascara, dey run on da first sign of emotion!!!

while w8ing 4 d right person 2 come- play & hav fun with d wrong 1.but b careful with who u play with bcoz dat person mite b d right 1 all along...

Love - Wise Sms

2007-03-21T18:44:00.000+05:30

Collection of Wise sms

u luv coz u weep.u weep coz u hurt.u hurt coz u fail.u fail coz u try.u try coz u need.u need coz u want.u want coz u feel.u feel coz u live.u live coz u luv!!!!1

have u eva notcied a heart is two upside down teardrops......

Love's beautiful like butterfly when u try to catch it, it will fly away but when u cool and silent, it will come and touch u. So wait for ur butterfly!!!!

they say true love is just round the corner i must be walking in circles.......

Luv is like a glass. If u break it, it’s hard to fix, And even if you manage that , it’ll never be the same...

People say dat wen luv comes knocking on ur door let it in.But sumtimes luv comes through a backdoor & by the time u notice its on its way out.......

God gave u 2 legs to walk.2 hands to hold.2 ears to hear.2 eyes to see.But why did he giv u only 1 Heart? Probably because He wants you to look for the other

Should i be happy that were friends?...or sad coz thats all we'll ever be?????

Some thoughts are better kept unsaid.some feelings are better kept to urself.because love has its way of expressing itself despite the silence.

True love doesnt have a happy ending.True love doesnt have an ending!!!!1

Love is like a rose it blossoms then dies....

Dont find love.let love find you.That's why it's called falling in love coz you dont force yourself to fall- you just do!!!!!

If you want me to fall for you- you have to give me something worth tripping over.

love is not how u 4get but how u forgive.not how u listen but how u understand.not what u see but what u feel & not how u let go but how u hold on.

Love is like quicksand the deeper you fall in the harder it is to get out!!!

It hurts 2 luv sum1 who doesnt giv u d time of day.but it hurts more wen u realize dat sum1 u dont giv d time of day luved u & gave it up coz u luved another...

Looks may capture the eyes but it's the personality that captures the heart....

love can sometimes be magic- but magic can sometimes be an ILLUSION!!!!

*In Reality*…. The Player Isn't Actually Playing The Other Person...He's Playing Himself...

You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see.but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel....

the hardest thing to do is to watch the one you love. love somebofy else...

People Fall in love not knowin y nor how.Its so special a feelin dat it doesnt require much answers.U just love no matter how stupid u become...

The virtue of love isnt finding the perfect person, but by loving the imperfect person perfectly......

dnt be afraid 2 say "i love u" 2 d 1 u luv... for wen ur ready itmyt be 2 late... d 1 u luv may hav found d comfort of hearin it from som1 else..

If love isnt a game then why are there so many players?

Silly Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-21T18:41:00.000+05:30

Collection of Wise sms

if barbie is so popular....then y do u have 2 buy her friends?

I intend to live forever- so far so good

Some say the glass is half empty, Some say the glass is half full, I say "are you gonna drink that?"

Iv got 2 sit down & work out where i stand!!!

Wen u smile the world smiles with u.wen ur down people will rally behind u.but wen u fart u r alone coz people will never stand by u!

people ask me if id pefer 2 go 2 hell or heaven i say hell coz its nice and warm down there

Im a nobody.. nobodys perfect.. therefore IM PERFECT!!!

I didnt kiss ur boyfriend! I told his lips a secret!!

I never met a chocolate I never liked!

lifes not short its the longest bloody fing ull ever do!!!!

I would stop eating chocolate.. but I'm not a quitter!

dont pee in my pool and i wont swim in your toliet!

Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature

"inside me, There's a thin women trying to get out........But i can usually shut the cow up with chocolate."

All of my friends and I are crazy.Thats what keeps us sane!

Life - Wise Sms

2007-03-21T18:37:00.000+05:30

Collection of Wise sms

If you don't Stand for Something.You will Fall for Everything....

da poorest man on earth is not da 1 without money, but is da 1 without a dream...

To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the
world....

Look into the picture of ur present life, 4 the picture determines ur future.....

It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for what your not......

Be yourself, there are enough other people......

A smile is a curve that can.Straighten out a lot of things.....

Life is not measured by breaths we take in a moment but by moments that take our breaths away..

life is short! if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it!!!

Those who are afraid to fall, will never fly!!!!

Love ur enemys... It really ticks them off...

dont frown,you never know whos falling in love with ur smile!!!!!

if u can stay calm while every1 else is goin mad ... u probably havnt completely understood the situation!!!!

FRIENDS are like stars…you do not ALWAYS SEE them but you know they are always there!..

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes. A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever...

Dont b afraid 2 expose yourself.Reach out and tell sum1 wot they mean 2 u coz when u decide its the right time it might b 2 late!!!!

Sumtimes its harder 2 say no wen u really mean yes.Its hard 2 close ur eyes wen u really want 2 see.But the hardest thing 2 do is to let go wen u want to stay...

Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think...

What do you do when the only person who can stop you crying, is the person who makes you cry in the first place????

If you are the flame you can't be burned...

Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery.today is a gift that is why we call it the present!

Intelligence is like a river. The deeper it is the less noise it makes..

You might regret what you do- but you'll you regret what you don't do SO much more...

2 let go doesnt mean 2 stop carin.2 let go is to learn theres sumthin beyond.2 let go means acceptin reality.2 let go is lovin more coz u only want the best...

Miscellaneous - Naughty Sms

2007-03-21T18:35:00.000+05:30

Collection of Naughty Sms

A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!"...

Wots da closest thing to a womans period? ur salary! It cums once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days & if it doesnt cum every1s in trouble!!!!

Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"....

Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever!

Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!!

What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?…. ask your parents.....

What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET ....

Chat Up Lines - Naughty Sms

2007-03-21T18:33:00.000+05:30

Collection of Naughty Sms

do u believe in love at first site or do i have to walk by again.....

if i said u had a hot body would u hold it against me....

im really good at algerbra but am having trouble getting your digit...

can i have pic of u coz i wana show santa wot i wnt 4 xmas!

My magical watch says you aren't wearing any underwear!
Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast.

"r ur legs tired"? coz uve been runnin through my mined all day

There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another??????

if i cood re arrange da alphabet i wood put u and i together..

ive lost my teddy bear.......do u want to sleep with me tonight????

is youre father a robber ? well who stole the stars and put them in ure eyes ?

U gotta B a parking ticket or something coz u got the word FINE written All over ya!

you must be a good theif cuz you've stole my heart...

im no fred flintstone but i'll make ur bedrock...

HERE'S 10p GO AND PHONE YER MAM AND TELL HER YOU WOAN'T BECOMING HOME TONITE!!!!!

Story - Naughty Sms

2007-03-21T18:32:00.000+05:30

Collection of Naughty Sms

A woman standin nude,looks in the bedroom mirror n says 2 her husband, "i look horrible, fat & ugly.pay me a compliment", her husband den replies "ur eyesight's spot on!"......

A boy n girl r dancin @ a Disco. dey kiss n stop instantly.d girl says 2 d boy “r u a mechanic?” d boy says“no y” d girl says“well get ya hands frm under my mini”...

chicken and egg in bed,chicken has head on pillow smoking.Egg rolls over annoyed saying"i guess we answered that question"...

A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes to heaven first?"A child replies"feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!

Little Girl:"Mommy I just found out that the little boy next door has a penis like a peanut" Mommy:"u mean its small?"Little Girl:"No its salty"...

an essex girl has a car crash and an ambulance arrives.the paramedic asks 'how many fingers have i got up?'the girl replies- oh no i think im paralised too...

Jelly Baby goes 2 the Dr & says "Dr i've got aids" Dr replys "U cant have aids ur a jelly Baby" Jelly Baby says "yes but Dr i've been sleepin wiv ALLSORTS!

A man go for blood test.nurse took his finger blood sample but cant find cotton.So she sucks his finger! He is so happy n he asks:"Can i get a urine test also?"

Misleading - Naughty Sms

2007-03-21T18:29:00.000+05:30

Collection of Naughty Sms

I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty,I wish ur pyjamas were close to me nighty.Dont be mistaken.now dont be mislead I mean on the clothesline and not in my bed

Wen i look at the sun i c u!wen i look at the moon i c u!wen i look at the sea I c u... well get out of my way!

He came 2 me 1 nite... explored my body... licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill... wen satisfied he left... I was hurt... DAMN MOSQUITO....

In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry...

Someday u may lose ur hair.u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.coz u cant lose wot u don't have!

I had a wet dream about you last night .... I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff!

I was nervous at first, it was big & long &went straight up, Ihad to try it... i eased myself onto it & i liked it! i went up & down on it, i love escalators now

From the moment I saw u, I wanted to be inside u, I love ur smell, the way ur tongue feels, the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm…………..NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!

It goes in dry it comes out wet.the longer its in the stronger it gets.we can have it in bed just you and me...its not what you think its a cup of tea!

Last nite i wantd u.needed u so badly dat it hurt.wantd 2 taste u.i wantd u in me so u could work ur magic on me...but i couldnt find u.u stupid.. PARACETAMOL!

At 1st a little nibble- a slow & temptin lick.i suck & munch my liquid lunch & den i swallow quick! CADBURYS CREAM EGG HOW DO U EAT URS????

Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah ..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..stil hurtin..ahh yeh ..den lets try d other shoe madam...

Last nite i coodnt sleep.i wantd u warm against my skin.i wantd u on me.i wantd 2 feel u all over my body.. but i coodnt find u!Where did i put my PYJAMAS????

I luv the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creatin a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrust in & out up& down, can't wait til nxt time I LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH...

come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until ur totally satisfied lovingly urs TOILET!!!!

Nursery Rhymes - Naughty Sms

2007-03-21T18:28:00.000+05:30

Collection of Naughty Sms

Mary had a little lamb & tied it to a pylon a 1000 volts shot up its ass & turned it into nylon...

Mirror Mirror on the wall.Whos the fairest of them all?The mirror laughed & den it spat- It sure aint u.u ungly prat!

Mary Mary quite contrairy how does your garden grow? Listen you prat i live in a flat so how the damn do i know.

Jack & Jill went up da hill 2 have a little fun.But stupid Jill forgot da pill and now they have a son.

Flirt - Naughty Sms

2007-03-21T18:25:00.000+05:30

Collection of Naughty Sms

I'm like a rubrix cube. The more you play with me, the harder I get....

I want triplets You want twins.Lets get in bed and see who wins!

Of all the babes ur my selection.please dont giv me a rejection.my teeth are clean for ur Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection!

I think i should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!!!!!

I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead....

baby i have an addiction problem.people say i shud go to rehab but i
always tell the m i dont wanna go cause im addicted to ... YOU...

Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation.a boy puts his location in a girls destination.do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?

I like your style- I like your class- but most of all i like your arse!

Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!

If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays?

north 2 north south 2south my best direction is mouth 2mouth..

Humour - Naughty Sms

2007-03-21T18:23:00.000+05:30

Collection of Naughty Sms

8 qualities of a PERFECT boyfriend... Brave,Intelligent, Gentle,Polite, Energetic, Non-alcoholic, Industrious, Self-organised. In short, B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.

He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx...

T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network....

I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!

funny sms - Miscellaneous

2007-03-20T23:52:00.000+05:30

If U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. If u save it thats bcoz u desire me & if u ignore it thats bcoz u miss me. So what u gonna do with IT?

Theres an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyones there.. lions, tigers, cheetas and ape, but the meetin cant start because the monkey is reading this text....

God made butter god made cheese god made you for me to squeeze god made whiskey god made pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY!!

If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas!!!!!

Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin 2.now im infectd iv sent it thru dis txt.so now ur smiling who wil it go2 next?

Dear friend! Do you take me 2 b your lawful text mate.2 have & 2 hold.4 dirty quotes or saucy jokes.in text messaging & in poor signal.til low battery do us part?

girls are like phones. we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u'll be disconnected!

A good friend is like a good bra... hard 2 find- comfortable- supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur heart!

THE NHS REGRETS TO INFORM U THAT UR BIRTH WAS AN ACCIDENT.PLEASE REPORT TO UR NEAREST HOSPITAL TO BE PUT DOWN.WE APOLOGISE 4 ANY INCONVINIENCE ---

Merry Christmas, Enjoy New Year, Happy Easter, Good luck on Valentines, Spooky Halloween & Happy Birthday Now bug off and don't annoy me for the next 12 months!!!!

why do i text u? its my choice its my way of sayin dat i remembr u. why do i remembr u? il neva know its not my choice its my hearts....

Last nite I lay in bed looking at the stars- the beautiful sky and the endless horizon....& suddenly I thought...where on earth is my roof????

funny sms - Reasons Y

2007-03-20T23:50:00.000+05:30

Y MEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)dey r useless until u turn dem on 2)dey have lots of data but r still clueless 3)as soon as u pick 1 a better model cums on the market!

Y WOMEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands dem 2)all ur mistakes r stored in their memory 3)u find urself spendin all ur money on accessories for dem!

Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)dey consume large amounts of liquid 5)r constantly full of crap

5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains ur car! 2)but still work right? 3)r u cold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!

4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN 1)dogs obey wen u shout at dem 2)dogs dont shop 3)u can giv away ur dogs children 4)any guy can get a good lookin dog!

3 REASONS Y CATS R BETTER DAN MEN 1)cats luv u wotever u look like 2)u can stroke a cat wivout it thinkin about sex 3)u dont mind wen ur cat chases after birds!

funny sms - Police

2007-03-20T23:46:00.000+05:30

i m at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me "possession of good looks".i'm doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!

i hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 0569 - distracting public with ur xtreme good looks &sex appeal.remain silent & report 2 my bedroom...

I'm @ the police station now been done 4 drink driving.Urine sample was positive so I nicked the sample.they r now doin me 4 taking the piss..

News Flash - funny sms

2007-03-20T23:37:00.000+05:30

*NEWSFLASH* An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand!

*NEWSFLASH* A woman was found dead in her home 2day!She was discoverd in her bath tub which was filled with milk & conflakes.the police suspect a cerial killer!

*NEWSFLASH* Police r lookin 4 a suspect whos smart sexy witty & very gorgeous- they've already eliminated u from the enquiry (where do you think i shood hide?)

NEWFLASH tell all ur female m8s dat u can get 1000 tampons for £1.No strings attacthed but 4 limited period.Its a bloody good deal!

NEWS FLASH: The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

NEWSFLASH.. Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the one off.

Wrong Person - funny sms

2007-03-20T23:35:00.000+05:30

I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION

Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u?

You’re Attractive Gorgeous Sexy Intelligent Smart Charming Sophisticated Fit Kind & Generous. In fact you’re becoming more like me everyday!

wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience

Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed …oops sorry wrong number 4get wot I said!

Uve got sex appeal.uve got style.uve got intelligence.uve got class.uve got the face & uve got the body & ive got the wrong number!

Ure so sexy u drive me insane.i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain.ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.oh damn im sorry i have the wrong number....

Word Games - funny sms

2007-03-20T23:32:00.000+05:30

Pls remind me 2 remind u about remindin me to send u dis reminder oh dat reminds me can u remind me wot the reminder was ive forgot!

Piss the taking is someone that realise u this like times at its! NOW READ IT BACKWARDS!!

Hello!Im a little alien called Ted.I have taken the form of a mobile phone- your phone.And during this message I have been having sex with your thumb!

This cat is cat a cat good cat way cat to cat keep cat a cat idiot cat buzy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat! NOW READ IT WITHOUT SAYIN CAT!

A)Ur Attractive B)Ur Buff C)Ur Charmin D)Ur Delicious E)Ur Excitin F)Ur Funny G)Ur Gorgeous H)Ur Heavenly I)Im J)Just K)Kiddin L)Loser!

HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press down* HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press up*

Wot letters r missin in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & u get a heart!if u pick U,u will get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than have a heart without U!

if u notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing!!!

I have the "I".I have the "L".I have the "O".I have the "V".I have the "E"... so pls

Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep.Im not half as thunk as u drink.I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get

Last night i wanted to send u a msg, but all i could write was: "noh ss!w !". it didn't make much sense until i read it upside down...

MEN-opause MEN-strual pain MEN-tal illness GUY-necologist HIS-terectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN??

Humor - funny sms

2007-03-20T23:30:00.000+05:30

Clouds r white but the sky is blue,monkey like u should b kept in the zoo, dont get angry ull find me there too,not in the cage but laughing at u. ha! ha! ha

A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!

i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!

Hi i am dying to c u, i want to talk to u seriously, but I cant get 2 u, dis stupid gatekeeper is asking me 4 a ticket to enter the zoo!

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all!

Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster...

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home....

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on..

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?????????

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again....

It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!!!!!

I've been arrested for bein the ugliest person in Britain, can u cum down the police station and show them it's a mistake?????

Love Sms - Friendship

2007-03-20T23:26:00.000+05:30

On a silent night when friend r few, i close my eyes and fink of u, a silent nite, a silent tear, a silent wish,dat u were here!

dnt snd any msgs,i dnt wnt 2 c u,2 hear ur voice,2 think of u,2 keep in touch wid u!!coz da doctor advised me 2 keep away from sweets :)

stars have 5ends, squares have4 ends, triangles have3 ends, lines have2 ends, life has1 end, but i hope our friendship has no end....

Although its quite a statement, Well it happens 2 b true. The best friend i ever had, Im glad 2 say its u!

Smiles 'n' Tears, Giggles 'n' Laughs, Late nite calls 'n' Cute fotographs, ill b rite here till da day of ma death best friends forever till ma very last breath!!

The years will come the years will go but with each 1 i wil always know whichever way the road may bend u wil always be my best friend

when it hurts 2 look back & ur scared 2 look ahead, just look beside u & i will b there...

sum friends e worth bein thrown,sum r good 2keep,sume r 2 b treasured 4ever;i think u r the one 2 be thrown in the treasure box 2be kept 4ever ....

wherever you go, whatever you do, you know ill always be there for you, so if youre alone , theres no need to fear, just give me a call and u no ill be here! x...

i cant txt u roses or fax u my heart.id email u kisses but wed stil b apart.i luv u 2 pieces n just wish ud c dat i care 4 u so much coz u mean da world 2 me....

Many ppl will wlk in and out of ur life.but only tru friends will leave foot prints in ur heart. . . . .u left urs in mine -x----

The recipe of friendship: 1 cup of sharing.2 cups of caring.3 cups of forgiveness & hugs. Mix all of these together to make friends 4ever....

A friend gives hope wen life is low.A friend is a place where you can go.A friend is honest- A friend is true.A friend is precious.A friend is u!!!!

A GOOD FRIEND ISLIKE A 'COMPUTER''ENTERS' UR LIFE.'SAVES' U IN DA HEART.'FORMATS' UR PROBLEMS.'SHIFTS' U 2 OPPORUNITY & NEVA 'DELETS' U 4RM DA HEART ....

"In ur darkest hour wen ur fed up & blue.just remember this I'll always be there 4 u.Im no angel N cant change ur fate.but I'll do anything 4 u coz ur my m8."

ur a mate wiv a heart of gold.how much u mean to me can never be told.ur sum1 2b talked bout so sweet and true.1 in a million dats u

A gun can kill some1.fire can burn some1.wind can chill.anger can rage till it tearz u apart.but da power of ur smile can heal a frozen heart.....

There is a gift that gold cannot buy a blessing dats rare & true.dats d gift of a wonderful friend like d friend dat i have in u!

Sum1 sum where dreamz of ur smiles & whilst thinking of u says life is worthwhile.so wen ur lonely remember its true.that sum1 sum where is thinking of u.

like a fallen star u fel into my life.u made me smile wen thingz werent rite..if hugz were water id send u the c.n sail away 4eva jus u n me.

God in heaven God above please protect the friend i love.Sent wiv a smile:-) sealed with a kiss.i love my friend whos reading this xx

A very special m8 of mine.in my heart all da time.to c u wiv a happy smile makes my life feel worthwhile.warm & carin ur feelins true.im glad i av a m8 like u!

Life can be hard & not always fun.But as night brings dark mornin brings sun.Wen life gets tough & no1 seems 2 care.Give me a call coz I'll always b there!

Tiny starz shinin bright its time 4 me 2 say goodnite.so close ur eyes & snuggle up tight im wishin u sweet dreams 2nite!

Uve touched my heart uve touched my soul.bcos of u I now feel whole.U'll always b my closest friend.u'll b in my heart 2 the very end.

Dreams r2b 4goten reality to b lived.desires 2b fulfilled & destiny 2b reached.where it began.where will it end.friends from da start.friends til da end!

Friends r angels that come from above.sent by god 4 me 2 luv.so wen u r lonely sad n blue remember ill be there for u!

Love Sms - Break Up

2007-03-20T23:23:00.000+05:30

i heard someone whisper ur name, but when i turned around to c who it was, i notice i was alone, then i realize it was my heart telling me that i miss u......

4getn u is hard 2 do, 4gtn me is up2 u, 4gt me not, 4gt me neva, but don’t 4get, we’re gr8 2gether......

If I get scared,wld u hold me tight?If I make a mistake,wld u make it rite?If I build a fire,wld u watch over e flame?If I say i miss u,wld u feel e same?

My eyes R hurting coz I can't C U, My arms R empty coz I can't hold U, My lips R cold coz I can't kiss U but, My heart is breaking coz I'm not with U!

I luv u & u luv me,I fought it was easy as ABC,u made me upset,u made me hurt,u neva tried, i new it woodnt work u didnt think,u didnt c,I really thought it was ment 2 b

sending you a hug to ease your stress.a kiss to make you smile and my heart to say i'm thinking of u. i miss you........

Luv will fly if held too lightly.Love will die if held too tightly.How should I hold u.How do I know if I'm still keeping you or I'm letting go...

Luv can be bad,it can treat u lik dirt.Theres always a risk of u getting hurt.Luv is restless & luv is a flirt.Luv has places to go and people to hurt....

It only takes a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone & a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone....

i hide my tears when i say your name but the pain in my heart is stil the same.though i smile and seem carefree theres no1 who misses u more than me!!

ONCE PEOPLE TOLD ME LOVE IS TRUE,
I DIDNT B-LEAVE IT TILL I FOUND YU,
NOW DAT U GONE, IM GOING KRAYZIE,
I WISH U WUZ HERE N TELL ME "I LOVE BABY"

among ur frens i care 4 u da most, among ur frens i lov u da most, among ur frens u hurt me d most coz....i know dats all im 2 u... among ur frens..

Wot u see as truth wot u see as lies remember that true friendship never dies.although we may change & drift apart,ill always value u deep within my heart!

I miss u wen ur far away.I think about u every nite & day.Even if we cant b 2gether.I will miss u now & forever!

i luved u once u luved me not.i luved u twice but i 4got.u neva luv me u neva will but even so i luv u still.......

Weve gone our own way our lives grew apart & weve made a life wiv another.but despite of how far apart we grew 2 me there still is no other!

Remember me and bare in mind A faithful girl is hard to find This is always good and true So dont go changing old for new!

i no u think dat u broke my heart but i knew ur game rite from da start. i saw ur game and played it 2 so look here playa da jokes on u!

So btween da miles & btween da years ts inevitable but its true.dat seasons may change & people may change but my heart always belonged 2 u!

Wen life changes & we go our separate wayz.u will still be in my heart til my dyin dayz.i tell no lie dis is true.da world has nva seen a freind like u.....

I'd climd the highest mountain.I'd swim the ocean blue I'd do anything at all my dear- Just to get away from you......

As we go on we rememba all d times we had 2gether.&as our life changes cum whateva we will still be "friends forever"

Ur the one i love.the one I need.but bad mistakes Ive done indeed.in search for forgivness and happyness too.I want to say that I love u.

Love Sms - true love

2007-03-20T23:20:00.000+05:30

8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning... i love you......

Uve won my luv now I luv u.This heart of mine I give 2 u.So keep it safe as i have done.For u have 2 and i have none!

There are a million stars and a million dreams, you are the only star for me, the only dream i dream.........

i dont have the measels, i am not confined to bed, asperin wont help coz i aint my head, i dont have back ache or the flu, its more serious...i am missin u!

Ull always be mine 4 now & 4ever.Ull always be mine 4 u r my treasure.Ull always be mine please tell me its true.Please be mine 4ever ill always luv u........

There are Tulips in my garden,there are Tulips in the park.but nothing is more be beautiful then our two lips meeting in the dark!

one day the moon sed 2 me, if your lover makes you cry why dont you leave your lover.. i looked at the moon n replied would you every leave your sky?

I love 3 things! The sun, the moon and U! The sun for the day, the moon for the night and you forever!

if i died or travelled far, i'd write ur name on every star,so everyone could look up & see, dat u mean the world 2 me..........

Wantin u is easy missin u is hard.Wishin u was wiv me wrapped up in my arms.Constantly think of u wen we r apart.Ive got the padlock u hav the key to my heart

How can u tell the rain not 2 fall wen clouds exist?How can u tell the leaves not 2 fall wen the wind exists?How can u tell me not 2 fall in love wen u exist?

Accidents do happen.i slip- i trip- i stumble- i fall & usually i dont care at all.but now i dont know what to do cos i slipped and fell in love with u.........

Love is like a golden chain that links our hearts together and if you ever break that chain youll break my heart 4ever!xxx...........

When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't wonder why, just make a wish. Trust me, it will come true, because I did it and I found you...

True luv is hard 2 find.Special 1-1 of a kind.But the luv inside of me is true.It appeared the day i met you!

It takes 2 to tango.2 to kiss.2 to talk & remenisce.so many good things cum in 2 & one of those things is me & u!

i wish i was ur blanket,i wish i was ur bed, i wish i was ur pillow underneath ur head,i wanna b around u,i wanna hold u tight, & b the lucky person who kisses u goodnite...

U say u luv me & want 2 hold me tight.those words run thru my head day & nite.i dreamt u held me & made me see dat 4ever 2gether we wood be!

1000 words 1 cood say.1000 wishes 1 cood pray.1000 miles legs cood walk.1000 sounds a mouth cood talk.1000 times ill b true.1000 ways 2 say i luv u!

Ive got ur bak & uve got mine.ill help u out netime.2 see u hurt 2 see u cry.makes me weep & wanna die.ill b right here til d end.cos ur my luv & my bestfriend......

You can fall from a bridge, you can fall from above, but the best way of falling, is falling in love!

There are 3 steps to happy happiness: 1 you. 2 me. 3 our hearts 4 eternity!

Good Parking Style

2007-03-20T19:40:00.000+05:30

Nice Parking Place

2007-03-20T19:38:00.000+05:30

Huge Pile Up of Vehicles

2007-03-20T19:32:00.000+05:30

In This accident all the cars moving behind the first car got piled up because of engine failure in first car.

Major Car Wreckage

2007-03-20T19:19:00.000+05:30

In this accident whole Car gets Wrecked

Birth Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-20T19:13:00.000+05:30

We are always the same age inside.
Gertrude Stein

The heyday of woman's life is the shady side of fifty.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Thirty, thirty-five, forty, all had come to visit her like admonitory relatives, and all had slipped away without a trace, without a sound, and now, once again, she was waiting.
Evan S. Connell

I am long on ideas, but short on time. I expect to live to be only about a hundred.
Thomas Alva Edison

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.
French proverb

At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.
Benjamin Franklin

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Reverend Larry Lorenzoni

Every ten years a man should give himself a good kick in the pants.
Edward Steichen

If only I may grow: firmer, simpler, quieter, warmer.
Dag Hammarskjold

Youth has no age.
Pablo Picasso

The advantage of being eighty years old is that one has had many people to love.
Jean Renoir

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
John Glenn

Those whom the gods love grow young.
Oscar Wilde

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it.
Doris Day

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

America Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-20T18:59:00.000+05:30

I have no further use for America. I wouldn't go back there if Jesus Christ was President.

America's best buy is a telephone call to the right man.

There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.

The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.

America is the only nation in history which, miraculously, has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.

The business of America is business and the chief ideal of the American people is idealism.

America makes prodigious mistakes, America has colossal faults, but one thing cannot be denied: America is always on the move. She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn't standing still.

At least the Pilgrim Fathers used to shoot Indians: the Pilgrim Children merely punch time clocks.

If you think the United States has stood still, who built The largest shopping center in the world?

It is impossible for a stranger traveling through the United States to tell from the appearance of the people or the country whether he is in Toledo, Ohio, or Portland, Oregon. Ninety million Americans cut their hair in the same way, eat each morning exactly the same breakfast, tie up the small girls curls with precisely the same kind of ribbon fashioned into bows exactly alike; and in every way all try to look and act as much like all the others as they can.

The main thing that endears the United Nations to member governments, and so enables it to survive, is its proven capacity to fail. You can safely appeal to the United Nations in the comfortable certainty that it will let you down.

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff-box from an emperor.

The keynote of American civilization is a sort of warm-hearted vulgarity. The Americans have none of the irony of the English, none of their cool poise, none of their manner. But they do have friendliness. Where an Englishman would give you his card, an American would very likely give you his shirt.

Ambition Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-20T18:56:00.000+05:30

Huge Collection of funny Ambition Sayings Quotes and Quotations
To be ambitious of true honor, of the true glory and perfection of our natures, is the very principle and incentive of virtue.
Sir Philip Sidney

Every child has great ambitions. As he grows, he is bombarded by negative suggestions -- you can't do this; you can't do that; be careful; look for security, and so on. Year by year, he experiences the ''realities'' of life, and his ambitions fade away. Figuratively speaking, most children die by the time they reach their adulthood.
Shall Sinha

Ambition if it feeds at all, does so on the ambition of others.
Susan Sontag 1933-, American Essayist

Ambition is an idol, on whose wings great minds are carried only to extreme; to be sublimely great or to be nothing.
Robert Southey

There are glimpses of heaven to us in every act, or thought, or word, that raises us above ourselves.
Arthur P. Stanley

Ambition often puts Men upon doing the meanest offices; so climbing is performed in the same position with creeping.
Jonathan Swift 1667-1745, Anglo-Irish Satirist

If you wish to reach the highest, begin at the lowest.
Publilius Syrus 1st Century BC, Roman Writer

Where there are large powers with little ambition... nature may be said to have fallen short of her purposes.
Sir Henry Taylor

As he was valiant, I honor him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.
William Shakespeare

The very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream.
William Shakespeare

Age Sayings Quotes and Quotations

2007-03-20T18:20:00.000+05:30

Collection of funny Age Sayings Quotes and Quotations

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art.

Youth is wasted on the young.

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

There's no such thing as old age, there is only sorrow.

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent that is to triumph over old age.

To me - old age is always ten years older than I am.

To resist the frigidity of old age, one must combine the body, the mind, and the heart. And to keep these in parallel vigor one must exercise, study, and love.

True is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

We are only young once. That is all society can stand.

We pay when old for the excesses of youth.

We should so provide for old age that it may have no urgent wants of this world to absorb it from meditation on the next. It is awful to see the lean hands of dotage making a coffer of the grave.

We've put more effort into helping folks reach old age than into helping them enjoy it.

Advice Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-20T18:14:00.000+05:30

Collection of funny Advice Sayings Quotes and Quotations
The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.

The people sensible enough to give good advice are usually sensible enough to give none.

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

Unless a president can protect the privacy of the advice he gets, he cannot get the advice he needs.

We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves.

When a thing is done, advice comes too late.

When we ask advice we are usually looking for an accomplice.

Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example.

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

The advice of their elders to young men is very apt to be as unreal as a list of the hundred best books.

The art of advice is to make the recipient believe he thought the thought of it himself.

The best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice.

The best advice one can offer to both press and public is the suggestion Ronald Reagan himself gave to students in Chicago ... "Don't let me get away with it. Check me out. Don't be the sucker generation."

Ability Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-20T18:11:00.000+05:30

Ability Quotes Sayings and Quotations Collection

It is a fine thing to have ability, but the ability to discover ability in others is the true test.

God does not ask about our ability, but our availability.

The height of ability consists in a thorough knowledge of the real value of things, and of the genius of the age in which we live.

To know how to hide one's ability is great skill.

The Creator has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.

Ability hits the mark where presumption overshoots and diffidence falls short.

Ability is sexless.

Natural abilities can almost compensate for the want of every kind of cultivation, but no cultivation of the mind can make up for the want of natural abilities.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability.

The abilities of man must fall short on one side or the other, like too scanty a blanket when you are abed. If you pull it upon your shoulders, your feet are left bare; if you thrust it down to your feet, your shoulders are uncovered.

Wicked people are always surprised to find ability in those that are good.

They are able because they think they are able.

The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows; it is what a man or woman is able to do that counts.

We all have ability. The difference is how we use it.

Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.

You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.

Natural abilities are like natural plants; they need pruning by study.

Ability is of little account without opportunity.

The extent of your consciousness is limited only by your ability to love and to embrace with your love the space around you, and all it contains

No amount of ability is of the slightest avail without honor.

Ability without honor is useless.

The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary.

Big jobs usually go to the men who prove their ability to outgrow small ones.

Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.

There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.

I add this, that rational ability without education has oftener raised man to glory and virtue, than education without natural ability.

Natural ability without education has more often raised a man to glory and virtue than education without natural ability.

I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.

All endeavor calls for the ability to tramp the last mile, shape the last plan, endure the last hours toil. The fight to the finish spirit is the one...characteristic we must posses if we are to face the future as finishers.

Ability is a poor man's wealth.

Adversity Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-20T18:04:00.000+05:30

Huge Collection of funny Adversity Sayings Quotes and Quotations
And if thou shouldst be cast into the a pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee eexperience, and shall be for thy good.

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience.

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.

If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Sometimes it's worse to win a fight than to lose.

Sometimes the littlest things in life are the hardest to take. You can sit on a mountain more comfortably than on a tack.

Strong men greet war, tempest, hard times. They wish, as Pindar said, to tread the floors of hell, with necessities as hard as iron.

Sweet are the uses of adversity, Which like the toad, ugly and venomous, Wears yet a precious jewel in his head; And this our life, exempt from public haunt, Find tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, And good in everything.

That some good can be derived from every event is a better proposition than that everything happens for the best, which it assuredly does not.

The actual tragedies of life bear no relation to one's preconceived ideas. In the event, one is always bewildered by their simplicity, their grandeur of design, and by that element of the bizzare which seems inherent in them.

The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them.

The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

The darkest hour has only sixty minutes.

If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to bprison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like cwolves for the blood of the lamb;

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.

Death / Funeral Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-20T13:00:00.000+05:30

It is foolish to be afraid of death. JUST THINK!!
No more repaired tires on the body vehicle,
no more patchwork living.

Do not take thought for your persons or your properties,
but first and chiefly to care about the greatest improvement of the soul.
I tell you that the virtue is not given by money, but that from vitue
come money and every other good of man, public as well as private...
The difficulty, my friends, is not in avoiding death, but in
avoiding unrighteousness; for that runs faster than death.

Death row is a state of mind.

A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn;
it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death
by a frown on the right person's brow.

Make sure to send a lazy man the angel of death.

Death borders upon our birth, and our cradle stands in the grave.
Our birth is nothing but our death begun.

It's a phony issue. To pretend the death penalty is going to end crime
in the United States is to fool people, to promote public ignorance.

For life in the present there is no death. Death is not an event in life.
It is not a fact in the world.

To infinite, ever present Love, all is Love, and there is no error,
no sin sickness, nor death.

I only remember two kisses - the first and the last.
The first, with my love and the last, with death.
The first brought happiness and the last relief!

I would rather live and love where death is king
than have eternal life where love is not

It is not "anti-choice" and "pro-choice" it is "pro-life" and "pro-death".

Born free, taxed to death.

Nothing is certain but death and taxes. Of the two, taxes happen annually.

The only people helped by the death tax are lawyers, accountants, and IRS agents.

No taxation without respiration.

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death.

Death Valley is neither dead nor a valley.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Nothing makes a man more aware of his capabilities and of his limitations
than those moments when he must push aside all the familiar defenses of
ego and vanity, and accept reality by staring, with the fear that
is normal to a man in combat, into the face of Death.

Om Asatoma Sadgamaya
Tamasoma Jyoti Gamaya
Myrityoma Amritam Gamaya

From delusion lead me to Truth
From darkness lead me to Light
From death lead me to eternal life.

The valley we call Death, isn't really that different from much
of the rest of the desert West. It's just a little deeper, a little hotter
and a little drier. What sets it apart more than anything else is the mind's eye.

Dying seems less sad than having lived too little.

Death? Why this fuss about death? Use your imagination, try to
visualize a world without death! . . .
Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil.

I am become Death, shatterer of worlds.

Men fear death, as children fear to go in the dark; and as that
natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other.

Even at our birth, death does but stand aside a little.
And every day he looks towards us and muses somewhat to himself
whether that day or the next he will draw nigh.

I shall not die of a cold. I shall die of having lived

Our fear of death is like our fear that summer will be short,
but when we have had our swing of pleasure, our fill of fruit,
and our swelter of heat we say we have had our day

I said to Life, I would hear Death speak. And Life raised her voice
a little higher and said, You hear him now.

Birth and Death are the two noblest expressions of bravery.

Desire is half of life, indifference is half of death.

Fear not death, for the sooner we die the longer we shall be immortal.

A man is not completely born until he is dead.

What we commonly call death does not destroy the body,
it only causes a separation of spirit and body.

Is death the last sleep? No--it is the last and final awakening.

Death is the most beautiful adventure in life.

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.

Life is eternal and love is immortal; And death is only a horizon,
And a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.

To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life;
foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent.

Death and taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

A person who chooses to die or to risk death demonstrates that there are values,
principles, maxims, that are more valuable to him than is life itself.
In short, he places his immortal self above his mortal self.
Nothing goes by luck in composition. It allows of no tricks.
The best you can write will be the best you are.

Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death

Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.

It's not catastrophes, murders, deaths, diseases, that age and kill us;
it's the way people look and laugh, and run up the steps of omnibuses.

Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.

I expose slavery in this country, because to expose it is to kill it.
Slavery is one of those monsters of darkness to whom the light of truth is death.

I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death.

We cast away priceless time in dreams, born of imagination,
fed upon illusion and put to death by reality.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work.
I want to achieve it through not dying

Death ends a life, not a relationship.

We must love one another or die

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call to make,
who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic

One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.

We all labor against our own cure, for death is the cure of all diseases.

When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man
who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life,
most of which had never happened.

One owes respect to the living; but to the dead one owes nothing but the truth.

If I think more about death than some other people,
it is probably because I love life more than they do.

Fear; if allowed free rein, would reduce all of us to trembling shadows of men,
for whom only death could bring release

When the body sinks into death, the essence of man is revealed.
Man is a knot, a web, a mesh into which relationships are tied.
Only those relationships matter. The body is an old crock that nobody will miss.
I have never known a man to think of himself when dying. Never.

The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death.

There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.

Nothing in life is certain except death and taxes

Will the Black Death return?
Dread of this horrible epidemic is a dim memory confined to history books.
But antibiotic-resistant plague is alive and well.
and if it is used as a weapon, no one will be safe.

Every man dies. Not every man really lives.

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have
done for others and the world remains and is immortal.

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come.

Be of good cheer about death and know this as a truth
that no evil can happen to a good man, either in life or after death.

For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come.

I have died many a death in love, and yet, had I not loved I would never have lived at all.

Death certificates in the US over represent coronary heart disease as a
cause of death by 24.3 per cent ...

"Accuracy of death certificates for coding coronary heart disease as the cause of death."

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you
is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it.

Death is well understood,it's life that isn't.

Engineering Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-20T12:47:00.000+05:30

The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a
knight in shining armor to lead all his customers
out of a mire of technological chaos neatly
ignores the fact that it was he who by peddling
second-hand, second-rate technology, led them all
into it in the first place.

It has become appallingly obvious that our
technology has exceeded our humanity ..

Programming today is a race between software
engineers striving to build bigger and better
idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to
produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the
Universe is winning.

Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist:
The glass is half empty. Re-engineering
Consultant: That glass is twice as large as it
needs to be.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic.

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets
dark, you don't throwaway the ticket and jump off.
You sit still and trust the engineer.

If email had been around before the telephone was
invented, people would have said, "Hey, forget
email! With this new telephone invention I can
actually talk to people!"

The good news: Computers allow us to work 100%
faster. The bad news: They generate 300% more
work.

Optimist: "The glass is half full."
Pessimist: "The glass is half empty."
Engineer: "That glass is twice as large as it
needs to be."

Programming today is a race between software
engineers striving to build bigger and better
idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to
produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the
Universe is winning.

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If
your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them
down people's throats.

The first 90 percent of the code accounts for the
first 90 percent of the development time...The
remaining 10 percent of the code accounts for the
other 90 percent of the development time.

Irish Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-20T12:42:00.000+05:30

No man is an Ireland.

In dreams begins responsibility.

Irish Nobel Prize-winning poet

If the whole human race lay in one grave, the
epitaph on its headstone might well be: `It seemed
a good idea at the time.'

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how
tall your grandfather was.

Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You
don't want to press your luck.

May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go.

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction!

You never miss the water till the well has run dry.

Half a loaf of bread is better than no bread at all.

Remember even if you loose all, keep your good name; for if you loose that you are worthless.

Saint Patrick was a gentleman...Who through
strategy and stealth...Drove all the snakes from
Ireland...Here's a drinkee to his health! But not
too many drinkees...Lest we lose ourselves and
then...Forget the good Saint Patrick...And see
them snakes again!

GOD KEEP MY JEWEL THIS DAY FROM DANGER
From tinker and pooka and black-hearted stranger
From harm of the water and hurt of the fire
From the horns of the cows going home to the byre
From teasing the ass when he's tied to the manger
From stones that would bruise and from thorns of the briar
From evil red berries that waken desire
From hunting the gander and vexing the goat
From depths o' seawater by Danny's old boat
From cut and from tumble --- from sickness and weeping
MAY GOD have my jewel this day in his keeping.

THE FIDDLER OF DOONEY
When I play on my fiddle in Dooney,
Folk dance like a wave of the sea;
My cousin is priest in Kilvarnet,
My brother in Moharubuiee.

I passed my brother and cousin,
They read in their books of prayer;
I read in my book of songs
I bought at the Sligo fair.

When we come at the end of time,
To Peter sitting in state,
He will smile on the three old spirits,
But call me first through the gate.

For the good are always the merry,
Save by an evil chance,
And the merry love the fiddle
And the merry love to dance;

And when the folk there spy me,
They will all come up to me,
With "Here is the fiddler of Dooney!"
And dance like a wave of the sea."

An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold
onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off
the earth.

Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to
find another Irishman to make a speech to.

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields
and, Until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of His hand

May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full
moon on a dark night, and the road downhill all
the way to your door.

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures
in the doctor's book

In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced
to talk to God.

The most beautiful music of all is the music of
what happens.

When I realized what I had turned out to be was a
lousy, two-bit pool hustler and a drunk, I wasn't
depressed at all. I was glad to have a profession.

Irish Pool Player
I have never liked working. To me a job is an
invasion of privacy

Irish Pool Player
One of the worst things that can happen in life is
to win a bet on a horse at an early age.

Irish Pool Player
To please himself only the cat purrs.

May those who love us love us
And those who don't love us
May God turn their hearts,
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limping.

Men Quotes Sayings and Quotations

2007-03-20T12:40:00.000+05:30

Men are easy to get but hard to keep.
- Mae West

There are only two kinds of men - the dead and the deadly.
- Helen Rowland

Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.
- Susan B. Anthony

Why are women ... so much more interesting to men than men are to women?
- Virginia Woolf

Men weren't really the enemy -- they were fellow victims suffering from an
outmoded masculine mystique that made them feel unnecessarily inadequate
when there were no bears to kill.
- Betty Friedan

Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.
- Kathy Lette

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one,
go ahead, get married.
- Katharine Hepburn

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
- Gloria Steinem